This cannot end well...





Hi, it's me again, the wife. I actually don't know why I say that this blog is Lynnsi and Sam when it clearly isn't. You will never hear from him on here. He doesn't write. Well he makes a lovely text, but not writing like this. He has no desire. And frankly the only reason I have a real desire is to cure my boredom. He has a life. Hence the new blog entry from my couch (which could seriously use a steam clean) in my thermal pajamas waiting for Saturday Night Live to come on. And yes I mean thermal pajamas in the way you think, long underwear style, they're amazing.

(OK I'm not kidding, when I Googled "long underwear" this is what I got, talk about amazing!)

So I know I have said it before but I seriously would love a new brain, head, stomach and digestive system. Which I realize would leave a face and some limbs and phalanges. Might not be a bad gig. I could be like a Stepford Wife. Not the old ones, the new version with Nicole Kidman and Matthew Broderick, you know where they become robots? They put them into machines and take out the thinking portions of their brains and their crazy pupils are always dialated and they look at you like bride of Chuckie? Or maybe I just need a lobotomy, that's the old school operation where they take out the crazy part of your brain right? That would be a long surgery if I were the patient, there's alot of crazy to get out of there.

I realized the other day that the root of all evil in my life is the over thinking I do so diligently on every subject. Here is a perfect example: I was at the grocery store the other night trying to pick out coffee because we were almost out and that is a serious red alert in the Friedman household. I stood there staring at all of the different coffee choices; ground, not ground, French, Brazilian, African, sven dollars, eight dollars, ten dollars, six ninety nine...what a deal! I was having an almost serious intestinal issue at the time, and I am standing there trying to make the best choice on a pound of coffee! This can't be happening. Just when I almost ran into the dry mop guy a second time (he wasn't pleased) I decided to go with old trusty Dunkin Donuts Original Blend and get the hell out of there. By the way I also can't choose fruit quickly, I will squeeze every avocado, examine every plastic container of strawberries and pick up about 3 apples for every one I actually put in the little plastic bag. I am a little old lady at 25.

And it's not because I have always been like this or was raised this way. I don't know how this happened or really even when it started. I was raised by a single mom who worked full time, we went to the store on the way home from work and daycare. In and out. "You want macaroni and cheese for dinner again? OK fine. Just let me go grab some Oscar Meyer hot dogs to throw in there for some protein. You eat like such a friggin bird!" She was a go gettin' girl, still is. No nonsense, pick it out, take it home, whip it up and eat it. So why, why do I have to agonize over everything?

It's obnoxious I'll tell you what. I have conversations with my own brain all day. I can't even decide on which way to turn the car sometimes when choosing a route. Today I decided after veering the car over to the right that I wanted to go left instead, something I do often. It works out if there isn't anyone else around. Today the Cox utility was behind me. Poor guy.

Damn Saturday Night Live is a rerun. Bummer.

Sorry for the abrupt ending...I got nothin' else. Time to read my book.