Growing Up Brady

I once auditioned for that made for TV movie that didn't do so well. I auditioned for Jan, seems fitting right? Don't you love how twisted the behind the scenes secrets were too... the mom was doing the guy who played her son, the dad was a closeted gay man. Brady Bunch in the front, Modern Family in the back. Isn't that just American society? Put on a happy face, sweep it under the rug, if you don't confront it; it can't be true.

I was taking my Sunday afternoon nap when I was awakened by the obnoxious sounds of little boys playing handball outside my window. This happens a lot. They hit the ball hard and scream at each other about nothing and then you can hear the ball hit a car and you cringe hoping it isn't yours.

I got up and dressed and peeked out my window at the fun, and it hit me: you know what is NOT happening to these boys right now? Sodomy or abuse. They are outside playing and having fun. (this may seem like a strange thing to think of, but check the date of my post and then the news)

After realizing the magnitude of my own thoughts, I decided to be more positive towards the kids in the neighborhood, to have more tolerance. Because if you can hear them playing, they are safe.

There are several things that make me nervous about parenthood. One is protecting my child(ren) from abuse. Just because you are not the kind of person to abuse your own child does not mean someone else won't. I am frightened of organized sports now, how are you supposed to trust your kid's coaches and mentors?  They may fall down and get hurt or break a bone, even need surgery on something, but that all passes and they don't have horrible memories from these incidences that would plague their everyday until they pass.

Children grow up and whatever their experience as children, they bring it with them to adulthood. To their spouse, to their children. Seemingly small scars can be with you forever and can then scar your family.

Sometimes I am amazed at the fact that I even grew up, that I moved out and got married and now want to have a baby. I always felt so small, so dependent. Tonight I was cooking dinner for myself, and while stirring over the stove realized that this is all real. My house, my husband, my cat, even my cookware and ingredients are all my doing. I grew up and did all of this. I have to smile when I think of what a big girl I have become! I only hope that I can place upon my child(ren) not pressure, but enough courage to grow up and do this too. To watch another human being from the very beginning would be an amazing journey and a great feat. Looking forward to every minute. <3